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The Prosecution: Beth

At times she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it’s like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it weighs on our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to record everything all the time. When we eat out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when other people see her performing for the camera – I experience secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She makes video blogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. Sometimes I'm captured while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her feed afterwards, and it comes like a surprise: I might be bare-faced, making a strange expression or photographed while eating. It feels invasive.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to film her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I'm in conversation to another person, or we're simply spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has transformed into me being her free crew. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my discomfort about this arrangement, she brushed it off. I've been invited to several brand events, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I spend helping her make content.

I appreciate that Marielle has helped me with my design career, but I resist our connection to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don’t feel she’s fake or inauthentic, but at times it seems that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and film me smiling with another. It’s so silly. I need her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I love spending time with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being filmed, edited, or shared for an viewers. I’m not a accessory for her online persona.

The Defence: Marielle

I want Beth to see that the content we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about shooting content. It’s not just a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online allows me to show my personality and connect with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your interests. I admire people on social platforms who execute that aesthetic of informal, self-made film-making.

Creating content is my version of living actively: observing the nuances, posting them with an viewership that values the art behind it. I never intend to make my friend uneasy. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my method of sharing opportunities, giving her a chance to experience exclusive moments that could help her professional path too. That’s not blackmail, it’s just being pragmatic.

I would take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see what the content we create together can achieve: an opening. I understand not all people enjoys being on camera, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes content authentic. Being recorded from time to time is part and parcel of being my companion. I would delete anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my private filmmaker, but friends help each other in minor capacities. I thought filming a clip now and then would be enjoyable for her. Innovation thrives in partnership, and having my friend around makes projects lively and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I would never intentionally humiliate her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I cherish our friendship deeply and want to avoid content creation to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like asking before filming, and steering clear of shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about power, it’s about sharing my world while still respecting hers. Obviously content creation is not a substitute for real connection: it’s just part of how I experience life and I want her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and her friend when they are out together?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a companion film you. I get that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. With the uncertain future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for help every time, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys creating, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is willing material. She must to honor Beth’s personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and showing off her life publicly, but it’s not for everybody. It was kind she has assisted her friend professionally, but she needs to hear what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the priority in your relationship. Create some real memories, where true emotions are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be neither present nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Both seem confused as to where the line is. The solution lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined boundaries around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle exploiting their friendship?